Friday, February 20, 2009
i will...
'so there's this girl..'
four words. that's all i heard.
that's all i had to hear. irony, sweet irony.
the moment i was going to come clean, and that was the moment you decided to tell me.
throughout the whole conversation, you never knew. probably never would've guessed. i held up so well.
"i know, i know you didn't do it on purpose. you would never hurt me. i know. but every word you said was like a stab to the heart. "
i just sat there and smiled, said all the right things, but i have no memory of it. it was like i was on autopilot, while the real me was scrambling around trying to stem my bleeding heart.
later on, i went out with the other him and got incredibly smashed.
More so than i've ever been before. he stopped me at one point, because i didn't have it in me to stop myself.
i came home, threw up everything , wrecked in sobs, trying to decribe how i felt.
i wanted to say that i was not that type of girl, the one that screwed herself over a boy.
i wanted to say that i was ok. perfectly so.
but all i sounded like was a hyperventilating drunk.
i attempted to be coherant and failed. i finally fell asleep, curled in a fetal position, my arms wrapped around my Barney stuffed toy.
i woke up this morning, and my head hurt so bad, i could almost convince myself that my heart didn't do the same.
i am going to fix myself, not with alcohol and lies, but with reality.
no more nights dreaming of you.
no more daydreaming, wishing for you.
i need to start taking care of myself, because i realise now, people are not always going to be around to save me.
last night, i lost control, completely. and it scares me. it scares me how self-destructive i can be.
so, this is me, fixing myself.
last post about you. no more no more no more.
i am done losing myself over you.
ps : thankyou.....=))
four words. that's all i heard.
that's all i had to hear. irony, sweet irony.
the moment i was going to come clean, and that was the moment you decided to tell me.
throughout the whole conversation, you never knew. probably never would've guessed. i held up so well.
"i know, i know you didn't do it on purpose. you would never hurt me. i know. but every word you said was like a stab to the heart. "
i just sat there and smiled, said all the right things, but i have no memory of it. it was like i was on autopilot, while the real me was scrambling around trying to stem my bleeding heart.
later on, i went out with the other him and got incredibly smashed.
More so than i've ever been before. he stopped me at one point, because i didn't have it in me to stop myself.
i came home, threw up everything , wrecked in sobs, trying to decribe how i felt.
i wanted to say that i was not that type of girl, the one that screwed herself over a boy.
i wanted to say that i was ok. perfectly so.
but all i sounded like was a hyperventilating drunk.
i attempted to be coherant and failed. i finally fell asleep, curled in a fetal position, my arms wrapped around my Barney stuffed toy.
i woke up this morning, and my head hurt so bad, i could almost convince myself that my heart didn't do the same.
i am going to fix myself, not with alcohol and lies, but with reality.
no more nights dreaming of you.
no more daydreaming, wishing for you.
i need to start taking care of myself, because i realise now, people are not always going to be around to save me.
last night, i lost control, completely. and it scares me. it scares me how self-destructive i can be.
so, this is me, fixing myself.
last post about you. no more no more no more.
i am done losing myself over you.
ps : thankyou.....=))
your love is like a shadow at 11:23 PM
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together