Thursday, September 18, 2008
humorous much??
Sex Issue
A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her
young husband constant demands for sex, decides to
make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of
times that they will have to make love for the rest of
their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of
paper, "Honey,you know I love you, but your never
ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and
really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on
days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the
frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at
me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and
let me know if my request is too demanding of you."
sure
and I'm sorry.I accept your proposal and have even
taken the extra step of listing at the bottom
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator
magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door,hoping
that her sex craved husband will be understanding and
accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator
and notices that her note has been replaced with a
note from her husband that reads,"Baby, I didn't'
realise that I was putting you under so much pres of
this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to
make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I
am waiting for you upstairs."
Management Annoucement
To all Employees:
Effective January 2007
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be
made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper
roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of
choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Management
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten, they're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Laugh out loud so when you're older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places!
A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her
young husband constant demands for sex, decides to
make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of
times that they will have to make love for the rest of
their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of
paper, "Honey,you know I love you, but your never
ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and
really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on
days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the
frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at
me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and
let me know if my request is too demanding of you."
sure
and I'm sorry.I accept your proposal and have even
taken the extra step of listing at the bottom
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator
magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door,hoping
that her sex craved husband will be understanding and
accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator
and notices that her note has been replaced with a
note from her husband that reads,"Baby, I didn't'
realise that I was putting you under so much pres of
this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to
make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I
am waiting for you upstairs."
Management Annoucement
To all Employees:
Effective January 2007
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be
made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper
roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of
choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Management
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten, they're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Laugh out loud so when you're older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places!
your love is like a shadow at 11:24 PM
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together